Irritability - a lethal poison for human relationships
Awaz E Bihar••6 views•6 min read
Molvi Muhammad Sanaullah Qasmi, Vice Nazim of Emarat-e-Shariah, Patna
Amir-e-Shariat Sixth, Hazrat Maulana Syed Nizamuddin Sahib, used to say that if your ability is very good, but your temperament is not right, people will start running away from you, just like everyone wants to get the gem of a snake, but due to its hiss, people are afraid to get close to it. Similarly, people want to take advantage of a capable person's abilities, but due to their bad temperament, bad language, and bad manners, people consider it safe to keep a distance from them so that they can live with dignity. Those who are close to bad-tempered people can be humiliated at any time, and the germs of ingratitude spread rapidly in them.
In psychological terms, such people are called "toxic behavior". This behavior includes not only bad experiences but also some matters that you consider trivial, but they occupy a place in the depths of your heart, and these hidden sparks of frustration and tension come out and defame others. Therefore, it is safe to identify such people and remove them from your life. If you continue to make such people a part of your life, it will have a bad effect on your self-confidence. If you believe in something, you should have the courage to say it; being silent is not always the solution to the problem. Sometimes it is necessary to express your opinion on important matters.
As is known, bad temperament is a behavior, and behavior is a description of human personality. According to former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill (1874-1965), behavior is a minor thing, but it has great importance in human personality. Behavior largely depends on a person's mindset; if they are arrogant and self-centered, they are more likely to be bad-tempered. Such people fail to control their behavior; even if they don't speak, their face speaks, and the effects of their bad temperament appear on their face. Emotional impressions quickly dominate them, and their greatest weakness is their impulsiveness. They are not strong in terms of morals and manners; they will do anything for personal gain. Impulsiveness is a good thing in the court of God, but in the court of people, it highlights the weakness of personality.
Bad temperament is a negative behavior, and a person accustomed to it finds psychological comfort in criticizing and finding faults in others' work. A bad-tempered person's behavior can also be threatening; they can harm you, but it should be remembered that bad temperament is not a natural trait that cannot be changed; it is a behavior that can be changed through positive behavior and correct thinking. Bring your thoughts out of the shell of unnecessary worries, respect others, listen to their words carefully, and give importance to what is right and act upon it; bad temperament will disappear.
Apart from individual life, if we talk about collective organizations and institutions and a bad-tempered person dominates them, the effects of their bad temperament fall on the collective system, and institutions suffer losses. Shariah has emphasized consultation in collective works, especially the command "washawirhum fil amr" is to avoid this loss. The stronger the implementation of this command, the more individual reform will take place, and collective demands can be met.
A bad-tempered person has hardness in their heart; their heart softens only in front of those from whom they can benefit or fear harm, i.e., "jallb munfa'at" and "dafa' mazarat" become the purpose of their life. If they bow down in front of someone, it is either for personal gain or to avoid harm. Apart from this, they continue to deprive others of benefits due to their bad temperament. No one respects such a bad-tempered person with a pure heart; they do so out of fear of their evil. This is what is referred to in the hadith as "yukramur rajul makhafat sharrhi". When the situation reaches this point, the hadith mentions the continuous and consecutive occurrence of calamities, just like when a thread breaks, the beads of the rosary fall one after another.
It is not right to become bad-tempered with bad-tempered people; it makes your thinking negative and causes trouble for you. In such situations, the Quranic guidance is to "idfa' billati hiya ahsan", i.e., to deal with matters with good manners. Forgetting or lovingly bringing such people close is also a solution. Some people believe that if you have the power to bear, you can also be patient. However, this is not a cure for a bad-tempered person; it can increase the disease.
Psychologists have clarified that one of the main reasons for bad temperament is the unjust desire to dominate others. A bad-tempered person wants to subdue others by raising their voice and abusing them. Usually, the person in front of them remains silent, which increases the bad-tempered person's courage, and they become more insistent on getting their way. If you keep listening to such people, you will lose your personality, and your thinking will also disappear. Your silence can be interpreted as cowardice.
It is necessary to get out of this pressurized environment to protect your personality; otherwise, you will be forced to make many wrong and right decisions under the pressure of others. At such times, it is essential not to get emotional, remain calm, and sometimes use humor to deflect the situation. Be open about your thoughts and show through your behavior that you also have self-respect and know how to protect it.
Bad temperament is a part of bad manners, and bad manners are highly condemned in Shariah. Bad temperament sometimes arises due to selfishness and sometimes due to considering others inferior. Another reason is the failure to achieve one's goals and plans. If you fail to reach your goal or are delayed, bad temperament develops within you. A bad-tempered person has a head but a weak brain; they burn inside, and this burning harms not only others but also themselves. Just like a matchstick has a head but no brain, it ignites with a little friction and burns its body to ashes. A bad-tempered person's condition is similar.
Bad temperament brings many negative behaviors with it, such as envy, jealousy, malice, and backbiting, which become part of human life. This behavior is a deadly poison for human relationships. The cure is to change one's behavior; until there is a change in behavior, bad temperament will not disappear.
